You are exhausted. You’ve been exhausted all day. And then the moment you finally lie down, your body decides it’s time to keep watch.
If that’s familiar, please hear this first: you are not bad at sleeping, and this is not a failure of willpower. Your nervous system learned to stay alert for very good reasons. Let me explain what I mean.
I’m Tamara Ridge, a licensed marriage and family therapist. I saw my first clients in 1995 and have been licensed since 2001. I’m also a survivor of childhood trauma myself, so I know this from both sides of the therapy room.
Why does Complex PTSD affect sleep?
Because Complex PTSD is a piling on of trauma after trauma after trauma.
After even one traumatic event, the trauma response and the trauma brain activation focus on identifying and avoiding threats. Your trauma brain doesn’t want you to get hurt in the same way again. So it keeps your body “on alert” by continuously telling the adrenal glands to pump adrenaline into the body to get you ready to run or fight.
Now imagine that happening again and again throughout childhood.
The “Ready for Fight or Flight” state
I call the chronic state of readiness that happens in Complex PTSD the “Ready for Fight or Flight” state. It’s far from relaxed, though it isn’t exactly full-on triggered either. It’s the hum underneath your day.
When we have unhealed traumas from childhood, the Ready for Fight or Flight state is constantly whispering: “Watch out. Something’s about to hurt you.” Even when nothing is threatening you in reality.
That’s because neutral things stopped being neutral when you were a kid. Brushing your teeth, for example. If you didn’t do it right, bad things happened. So an ordinary moment became a “watch out” moment.
Why bedtime is when it catches up with you
Now stack up all of those “watch out” moments running in the background throughout the day. By the time it’s finally time to sleep, you’re worn out from being on alert since morning.
But exhaustion isn’t the same as feeling safe. Your nervous system doesn’t automatically switch from high alert to relaxed enough to lose awareness of your surroundings just because you’ve decided it’s time to sleep.
You’re not alone in this. Sleep trouble is very common in the research on trauma. One review of the PTSD literature found that nightmares are reported by 19% to 71% of people with PTSD, and that large studies of people who had experienced a range of traumas show about a 60% increase in disturbed sleep compared with those without PTSD (Mohsenin & Mohsenin, 2014).
Poor sleep and a short fuse often go together. If you wake up already on edge, my anger course waitlist is a good place to start.
What helps
There are things you can do to help with this. I’ve shared what I’ve found most helpful in this video:
A word about nightmares
I want to take a moment to talk about nightmares.
During sleep, our subconscious mind processes things we didn’t give enough attention to during our waking hours. Nightmares point to things that require healing.
One of the best ways to interpret them is to ask yourself:
“What from my awake life does this dream remind me of on an emotional level?”
From there, you can begin working toward healing those triggers, which can help you sleep more peacefully.
Go gently with this. If asking that question stirs up more than you can hold, that isn’t failure. It’s information. Pause. Feel your feet on the floor, look around the room and name a few things you can see, and let your exhale be a little longer than your inhale. You can come back to it another day, or bring the dream to a trauma-informed therapist so you don’t have to carry it alone.
It also helps to know that nightmares are treatable. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine’s 2018 position paper recommends imagery rehearsal therapy for PTSD-associated nightmares, and lists other approaches, including EMDR, that may be used. If your nightmares are frequent or intense, please tell your doctor or a trauma-informed therapist. You don’t have to white-knuckle it.
Healing is what changes the night
In my experience, the more you heal from childhood trauma, the less nightmares will haunt you.
Healing isn’t an easy process. But it is possible, and as it unfolds, trouble sleeping and nightmares often ease. For many survivors, they ease a great deal.
Where to go from here
Learn the whole model, free. The Trauma Erase Method is my free video course on how trauma lives in the nervous system and how it settles, in four phases: Calm, Soothe, Heal, Recover.
Work with me directly. If you’re in California, Utah, or Wyoming, I can see you online for individual therapy, including focused EMDR. Book a consult.
If you’re elsewhere, licensing laws mean I can’t offer therapy, but I do offer coaching nationwide. Coaching isn’t therapy and doesn’t diagnose or treat anything, but if you want structured support putting this into practice, it’s a good fit.
Not ready for any of that? Leave me your email, and I’ll send you the occasional practical piece on healing from childhood trauma. No pressure, unsubscribe anytime.
A note on safety: if you’re in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, please call or text 988 (in the U.S.), or call 911 if you’re in immediate danger. And if a nightmare or memory ever leaves you feeling unsafe, reach out to a trauma-informed clinician for support.
